Nine months. The same amount of time it takes to fully grow and birth a baby. Like with all new mothers, the weight of the exhaustion from this life cycle sits in between all of our collective shoulder blades as our arms attempt to hold onto the weight of precious life.
This new way of being has crept into every crevice – even my dream life. My so-called nightmares, one recently in which I was panicking, lost in a tube station in central London, felt more like a quirky daydream upon waking and realising we were all mask-free in la la land. The panic felt laughable, silly, now that we’ve got bigger fish to fry.
During lockdown number one so many of us were keen to “have something to show” for this time forcibly spent at home – for those who were lucky enough to be able to close our doors and keep our bodies safely behind them. We had trouble sitting still so made sourdough (mine is now rotting in the back of our fridge), we baked, we biked, we gardened, we painted, we puzzled. Many of us, so hard wired to search for relief in the doing, did a lot. But after nine months of living in and through a pandemic, civil unrests and upheaval, a US presidential election (which somehow still drags on!), recession, anxiety, depression, unemployment, sickness, loss and physical separation, I am finding myself exhausted. The only weight I can physically remove is that of my own expectations. I am in dire need of ‘doing’ less. At least temporarily. To get up in the morning, bathe, clothe, feed myself and my family, walk the dog (a happier byproduct of the pandemic) stand with my face in the fresh air, and be. For just a moment. I am trying with all my might to convince my brain and my heart that this is enough for now. This IS productive. This IS meaningful, helpful and worth doing. For now. So my arms will feel strong enough to forge on – and not drop the metaphorical baby on its metaphorical head.
With this in mind I’m keen to share this very simple recipe with you. It’s not life-changing, but it has proven to be something I can make on the fly, when it all has been too much for too long and yet I still need to put dinner on table in an hour. It’s cheap, healthy, easy, and the kids eat it without complaint – especially when topped with cheese, avocado and sour cream and scooped up with flour or corn tortillas. That’s all I’m really looking for in the kitchen right now. For now.
Posted here with love from me to you.
Really appreciate this post
Sending you a giant hug via this bowlful. I hope it helps even ever so slightly.